Shannon

Things change.

2006-08-07T03:12:34Z

I was thinking today about some things I've noticed in others.

A lot of people go through changes. People around you, people with you, people you do things with. And it's how you deal with those changes that determines how it affects your relationships with those people.

People do what makes them happy, and you have to respect that. Good or bad, for yourself. I've had some friends who changed or made choices that went against what I wanted, but I supported it, it's what you do as a friend. If it makes them happy, you let it be. Took me a long time to learn that, but after decisions I myself have made recently, it's something I've come to understand. You gotta grow up some time.

Do as I say, not as I do, eh?

2006-07-08T20:27:23Z

Gotta love people who don't practice what they preach.

Life goes on...

2006-07-05T03:53:46Z

Kinda weird, but some people really get stuck in the past and never move forward.

Or some people just never change.

It'd be nice if some people quit acting like it was 5 years ago.

One thing that I really fucking hate...

2006-01-28T03:57:58Z

Is when your Goddamned neighbors are playing their music so fucking loud you can hear the bass reverborate in your house.

In my apartment, I had kinda gotten used to it, although I'd bang on shit every now and then if it was ridiculous.

But that was years ago, I've lived in my current house since 2001, and this hasn't started happening until this last year. Neighbors playing music loud, or the fucking assholes who were constructing shit behind my house bassing out on FUCKING HOLIDAYS at 3pm and shit. I called the cops on their asses.

But, yeah, I'm fucking venting because right now my neighbors are sitting out in their backyard playing music loud enough for ME to hear. What's the fucking point? If it's that Goddamned loud, can you really hear it yourself when you're over there? I don't fucking understand it.

It was good for a while, but I guess I'll be looking into moving soon, because this is beyond absurd. Fuck neighbors, fuck loud music, fuck them all.

Update

2005-10-30T16:19:14Z

Casey's here.

It kicks ass.

Thanks.

Oh yeah...

2005-08-18T02:32:34Z

I don't work for TelVista anymore.

Quit that and went to QHT.

Also, hockey's coming back, along with FUYA.

And I still love Casey.

Positive things.

Hey

2005-03-27T00:20:18Z

Got a job. Start Monday at TelVista, doing tech support over the phone, like when I was at Stream. Pay isn't the greatest, but it's something to carry me until I can find something better.

Still miss hockey. I hope there's a next season.

Maddox

2004-12-27T19:51:22Z

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=11worst

He updated again. This guy is great, but I'm sure this will piss off some U2 fans.

Regardless, it has some funny stuff.

Sports

2004-12-27T04:24:13Z

I miss hockey. Fucking annoying.

Football is good, but only happens once a week, really.

Basketball is stupid, no one cares.

Fuck you, sport gods. Assholes.

Yeah.

gallion @ 2004-11-17T13:19:00

2004-11-17T19:24:19Z

<3 Casey

;)

Ok... a thought...

2004-05-04T17:42:55Z

On your work laptop, that you take home, when you need assistance... please don't leave your porn links on it.

I work as a computer tech, I'm sure most of you know by now. I do basically everything, network, support, repair, whatever. I'm the only guy. We have someone who takes a laptop home to work from home on occasion. I was helping repair a connectivity problem when I found a load of porn links in the "My Network Places" area. That place puts icons for recently visited share folders and other things.

I don't like coming across this, hehe. I closed the window quickly and I don't think the person noticed. I just went a different route to get my job done. Not that I mind porn, but I don't like seeing that you visit it on your WORK laptop. And I don't like coming across it when I'm trying to do my job. Thankfully, I didn't see any of it, just the links.

Anywho, amusing. But keep it at home. :P

Just a thought.

Stuff

2004-04-06T04:47:00Z

Haven't updated in a while.

So, yeah. Everything's cool, I guess.

Shutup.

Stuffity Stuff...

2003-12-05T19:20:32Z

I guess this entry will be somewhat of a follow-up on my previous one. It's been over a month now. :)

The surgery went well, I guess. It was more exploratory than anything. And nothing was found. I'll be ok, but if I want to fix what's wrong, I may need physical therapy, otherwise, I just have to deal with it, hehe. From what I can tell, it won't impede my life in any way, but just be a minor inconvenience.

I could post a story about the day of the surgery, but no. It's somewhat personal and some of it is gross. Not on a public forum, no thanks. :)

I will say that it took 2 1/2 weeks for the bruise on my inner elbow to go away from the bloodwork that was done. The IV bruise didn't take too long, though. I'm skinny and have sensitive skin, so I didn't fare well to the needle pokeage.

I do want to thank James for taking me to the hospital that morning and staying with me until the dude drugged me. A co-worker picked me up from the hospital and took me to Joe's Mother's house, which was cool. Joe's Mom really took care of me well and I'm appreciative of that. Especially on Joe's birthday. I hung out over there that night while Joe did his thing and I just went in and out of a medication-induced stupor. :) Later on, Joe dropped me off at my house and I was fine the next morning. Good stuff. Joe's my homey.

The college thing. That's gonna take a bit more time. The opportunity to take a kind of entrance exam passed and I will have to wait until March to take it again. As long as things stand as they are, I'll be ready for that one.

And, hmm... to all my friends and what-not. I apologize for any weird shit I've put you through. I've been in and out of exhaustion lately and it's really affecting me. I don't ever experience this and I'm trying to get it settled down and figured out.

All I really wanna do is get out and play some street hockey. :) Someone hook me the fuck up.

Thanks.

News, I guess...

2003-10-30T16:19:44Z

Well, here's an update for the next few days, I guess...

Friday : I go in for my pre-op at my doctor's office. Never had one, so it'll be interesting to see what all is done to me.

Monday : After work, I'm visiting an advisor at CCCC to discuss what it will take to get my associate's degree.

Tuesday : In the morning, I go in for my surgery... never had a hospital stay before, either.

On top of this, Friday is Halloween and Tuesday is Joe's birthday. :) Joe, I'm still gonna get you Socom 2, like I said, hehe.

Saturday night has some possibilities, but, in the least, I want to hang with my friends.

The rest will fall into place as it comes.

That's all for now, I guess. :P

More stuff... :P

2003-10-10T18:19:26Z

Over the past month or so, I've inquired into becoming a teacher with a small college. After many phone calls and waiting, I finally found the info I needed. At first, I was very reluctant and wanted to push it off. It's a large step for me, but it's something I've always wanted to do. When I looked at it all, I realized it would consume a lot of time and money and that maybe I wasn't ready for it.

So, I kinda made the decision to not do it... at this time (Ahh yes, procrastination). I hadn't fully made up my mind, and so I called a good friend of mine. Probably the only one who knows I've been actively pursuing this. We discussed it and she brought up some points that really hit me hard. I'm 26 and not getting any younger and that this is something I need to do now before I allow for it to be too late, among other reasons. I gave it a lot of thought...

So, I've decided that I will do whatever it takes to go through with it. I'm in the process of setting up an appointment with an advisor at a community college to talk about how I can get my Associate's Degree in teaching. From there, I'd probably move to a college such as UTD to work towards my Bachelor's Degree in Disciplinary Studies. Then I go through a Teacher's Certification program. All kinds of exciting.

For those who know me well... hehe... imagine me a teacher? Muahahaha. Soon enough. :)

Been a while...

2003-10-09T16:32:14Z

...since I updated. :)

These days, my motto is just take things as they come and don't get too far ahead of yourself.

I've slipped on that a bit and things didn't work out... so, I just gotta take it easy and allow things to come to me, but also, at the same time, balance that with some initiative.

Out.

Vacation and other things...

2003-06-30T06:29:38Z

Greetings.

So, I'm on my vacation of sorts here in Merrill, Oregon. I took a week off of work to visit my family out here on the west coast. It's not necessarily a "get-away" vacation as it is a relax and be with your family type thing. Which would explain why I'm sitting here on the internet typing up a journal entry. :)

I'm having a good time, although having all 4 kids in the same house just isn't quite working out for the best. But that's ok, hehe. It sure is interesting. It's been a long time since this has happened... all 4 kids under the same roof for any extended period of time. We'll see how the week plays out.

Other things...

I've always considered moving back out to this area at some point. My Mother has talked to me before about it, and I've always declined and pointed to various reasons as to why I should stay in Texas. At this point, I don't know... I'd like be able to just relax more than I do and with less hassles than I have. Some people don't mind dealing with it all on a daily basis, but I do. It's more trouble than what it's worth, sometimes, and that's the kind of thing that's been pushing more and more to moving out here. To just get away from that and be around my family. Currently, the only thing holding me back would be a decent job up here. I'll be perusing the classifieds this week to see what kind of opportunities are to be had. Plus, Texas weather sucks, and that's a documented fact. :)

Something I've been thinking about...

If you're searching for something for a long time, and this something means a lot to you, should it be easy to attain, or should it be difficult that way to make the end result that much better? Just a wonder.

Thanks for reading.

Cars

2003-01-23T19:00:41Z

Recently, I had some difficulty with my car that required me to be without it for a week or so. It's such a blur, I don't remember the exact moments. Working 8-5 Mon-Fri makes things go by very quickly.

After all the repairs and labor, it cost me $325. My car is paid off, and I've only got liability insurance, which is $60 a month (Thank God for being 25). The last time I had any major surgery on it was in October of 2001, which costs me around $500, I think. So, looking at it relatively, last year my car (w/ Insurance) cost me $87 a month or so.

I bring this up because while my buddy Jon was giving me a ride home from work the other day he mentioned that I should "just get a new car". He's done it before, many times. He has this perception that my car just up and gets messed up. As if there's no rhyme or reason to it. And, if that was the case, I would be interested in getting a new car. But, there's always been a good reason as to why my car has been sidelined. Anywho, telling me that is basically instant fire for me to be pissed off. A new car payment will cost between $175-250 for me, as I don't have good credit. Car insurance would probably increase by 150% for full coverage and a brand new car.

Let's look at the #'s :

Current Car : $87 a month
New Car : $375 a month (possibly)

Yeah, I can afford that . Shouldn't it be obvious to people that tell me to get a new car that I would if I could afford it? Since I can't, and I still like my current car, there's no point. Being without it for a few days every 14 months is manageable. My friends are good to me, and are willing to give me rides to/from work when I need it. I'm there for them, too, if they need it.

Maybe I'm wrong here, but I think sticking with what I currently got is my best course. Any and all cars have occasional road-bumps, new/used/old.

That's all for now, just had to get this off my chest.

Milestone?

2003-01-06T19:14:15Z

For the first time since the year 1999, I worked a full year in 2002. 1999 was the last year I had a job for the full year.

Exciting, eh?

Memoirs...

2002-08-10T08:16:17Z

A conversation with my good friend Kyle got me thinking about something the other night. Occasionally, I think about an e-mail I lost. A very special e-mail that I got from an ex-girlfriend right after we 'separated'. I wonder if anyone else has experienced that... an e-mail they'd love to have, just to read it and know what it meant, yet it's lost somewhere and no matter where you look, you can't find it.

...

Time for a bit of history (This could get long), albeit somewhat sad (at least, for me). In July of 1997 my Mother decided she was going to visit her Mother in Oregon (I live just north of Dallas, Texas) and would be gone for at least a month. She would be taking my younger brother and sister with her, and my Dad was doing work that caused him to travel, so that left me with the house to myself. At the time, I was 19, just about to turn 20 (July 26th). I had a girlfriend who I just wasn't working out with. She was 5 years older than I and far too mature for me at the time. A very traumatizing situation came about between the two of us and we basically ended the relationship. We had been going out since the previous Autumn. So, house by myself, traumatizing situation and all that... it really forced me to catch up with myself. I really hadn't spent too much time figuring out who I was. I just kind of rolled along, doing my thing, bending and shaping here and there, but nothing concrete enough to call me. It was almost like a personality crisis to a certain degree. During all of this, my buddies were there for me, and I'll be forever grateful. When your family is off somewhere else and you're eating up inside, you need -someone-, and they were there.

August comes around and the expected happens. My Mother returns and decides she's going to move to Oregon to live closer to her Mother. She gives herself two weeks to pack everything up and she's off. I will be staying at the house with one of my Mother's friends as a roommate. The friend I've known all of my life and has generally been cool, with some personal issues of her own here and there. At the time, it seemed like a great idea. Live in the house I grew up in (From ages 7-20 at that point) and be roommates with someone I felt I could trust and get along with. Something I'll always remember is when my Mother was taking off in the U-Haul with everything loaded and how she looked when she was leaving. It was hard for her. Growing up, I had an older brother by a year and a half, but he had been a nightmare for my Mother. I was definitely the prototypical Momma's Boy, and the house had been her first with my StepDad (I call him Dad). So, she kind of took all of that in as she left and I could see it. It was tough for me, too, but having a girlfriend (at the time), that helped things. With the roommate, quickly, problems arised. She was a very stay home person who didn't like much company. I liked to have my friends over and hang out. That's what I had always done. Things did not blend well. It all topped off one night when I was hanging with Joe watching tv. We were being cautiously quiet, yet she storms upstairs and starts complaining. She says she has a problem or something along those lines. I ask if she had a problem with us being there, and she said no, but that she had a problem with 'him' being there as she pointed at Joe. Very disturbing, given the history and everything else. Joe was nothing but nice to her, regardless of how he felt about her (disliked her). That was one of the last things I remember getting me to my next point.

Later in the year, probably September'ish... Another friend of mine, Jon, who is 17 days older than me (Bastard), had met a girl and they were doing pretty well. This was good to see. Jon was very holed up inside his parent's house and was very shell-like. He definitely needed to get out and get some dynamic to his life (I also needed the same, although maybe not quite as bad). At this point, I was still killing myself living in the house with my Mother's friend. But, Jon's girlfriend ended up having a best friend, Kristy, who I talked to on the phone once and, well, I was definitely interested in meeting this girl. At the time, I think she was 17, close to 18, and as I stated earlier, I was 20, so pretty cool there. Anywho, we all get together one night and do whatever it is we did. I don't really remember because everything was overshadowed by the girl I just met. I don't know what it was, but it was one of 'those' moments. I don't get them very often, but I do know when I get them. We hit it off very well and it was fantastic. Definitely rejuvenating for me.

Around this time, I basically had two best friends... Jon and Joe. They were both very different from each other, so it was an all around awesome situation. One of the two was always up for doing whatever, be it sports, checking out a movie, or whatever. Still are, really. Jon had been really pushing himself to get out of his parent's house. His relationship with his girlfriend was escalating and he needed space. He also recognized the situation I was going through at home and, at times, we had discussed being roommates, so everything fell into place. We set up an apartment for ourselves and did one of the quickest move jobs I've ever witnessed. All before my Mother's friend got home. It was great. I could tell her goodbye and not have to worry about her being around to see me move. I was out and that was it. With me moving out of the house, looking back, it was clearly way too early for me to do so. I wasn't up to par with my responsibilities and wasn't very tight with my money. But all of that is saved for some other time.

October(I think), out of the house and with one of my best friends, and we were dating best friends. A very interesting situation. Things were never boring, that's for sure. My relationship with Kristy started to near that point to where things were going to get a bit more serious. We had been hanging out here and there and doing stuff with Jon and his girl, but we were taking it slow. Thank goodness we did... a -very- disruptive situation occurred between us that would slowly rip apart our relationship and our hearts. I'll save that, too, for another time. It's not easy to explain. We tried and tried to keep it going, but we just couldn't, it just wouldn't work. That caused me so much agony. Here I am, 5 years later, and I still feel some of it. She was a woman who definitely understood me and just, everything. That's all I can say is everything. That's what she was. And we were only at the surface of our relationship.

January 1998(Again, I think), and Kristy and I have pretty much ended things. Right before that point, she had come over to the apartment on a Saturday, and we'd hung out some, and then we discussed a few things and it was over. Although I knew it was coming for some time, I was pretty bad off. Jon came home from work and I was pretty shattered. He had his girl with him, too, and she was definitely bothered by it (We were all friends, obviously). She apparently talked with Kristy about everything (not to fix things, just to inform, I guess), asking how she was, indicating how I was, that kinda thing. The following Monday is when the e-mail came, while I was at work.

I was still devastated during that day. But, alas, I received an e-mail from Kristy at my work e-mail address. I wasn't sure what to think when I saw it. I opened it up and she started off by discussing how she felt about what we had been through and how things turned out. Even though we knew a lot about each other, it was still enlightening to read, although it didn't help, because it was all very positive, so it still crushed me (Somehow more than I already was). Then she listed all the things she saw in me and liked in me. She basically detailed, in a list format, who I was, line by line. It was amazing. Here I was, not able to figure out myself at all, and she just threw it all down right in front of me. She said a few more positive things and then, for the first time ever, she said that she loved me. It's hard for me to explain how I felt when I read that. Not to be too sappy/personal here, but it was basically the realization of knowing that you were in love with someone and it not hitting you until that moment. At the same time, it hitting you that the relationship between you and the person you just realized you love, is over at that point. Words cannot express the whirlwind of emotions I went through.

(More sappiness ahead) The reason I've always looked for that e-mail is to be able to look back and see how well she knew me, and also to help me remember what it's like to truly feel that way for someone. I haven't since that point. And that point was the strongest I've ever felt for someone. It would serve to help me stay positive at a very lonely time of my life. I kept the e-mail on my computer at work for a long time. I archived it and everything. It was special, definitely. After that e-mail, Kristy and I tried the friend thing, because we were that way before, but it didn't quite work out and she ended up moving to Pittsburgh (She'd always wanted to live there). In May of 2000, I got laid off from the job I was at. I had been there 3 1/2 years and had really gotten to know the people there, so I took it hard. Because of that, I completely forgot to take the e-mail off the computer and keep it with me. I had actually forgotten about it and by the time I remembered it, it was too late... my computer had been reallocated and formatted. I thoroughly checked through my e-mail's on my home computer, in case I had quoted it in a response or something, but it was nowhere to be found.

To this day, it's gone. I have no way of getting it back. Thusly, the lost e-mail.

...

Somewhat long and personal there for me, but this has been in my mind and I needed to get it out. If you read it all, thanks.

Things that irritate the hell out of me...

2002-05-20T03:39:40Z

A) People who think they know what you're thinking and what you're motives are and are arrogant about it, even though they are completely fucking wrong.

B) People who talk down to you who have absolutely no place to.

C) People who think you're lying because they think they're right and only they can be right, when, in fact, they're wrong.

D) People who act like life hasn't give them a fair shake when they aren't going through jack-shit at all. Talk about a beating.

That's all for this evening.

Next time I get pissed, it may not be situational, it may actually be you, your attitude, and your disrespect. People need to grow up, mature, learn respect and step down from their pedestals. Because when someone comes by and knocks you off it's gonna hurt like a motherfucker.

You learn something new every day...

2002-01-23T04:24:02Z

Welcome.

Over time, I've realized that, for whatever reason, I can dish out as much shit as possible, but sometimes I just can't take it when I get it back. Is it pride? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe it's an arrogance thing, which is possible, given my mind. I'm not really sure. But, I'm going to work on it. I can't be a double-standard. I don't like them in others, so in myself, it should be intolerable. I had a situation where I got some shit thrown at me, and I responded with a sense of disinterest. That wasn't truly how I felt, but I don't like being sacked on for something that is part of my personality. Anywho... if you want to find someone who can truly take anything 99% of the time, that's my buddy Jay. That guy can truly take shit and not even flinch. He's a brother to me, and has been since 1994. I'm glad to have known him for so long.

So, it's been a while since I updated. Sometimes you get busy, or sometimes you just get attached to other things, and when that happens, things that came before get neglected. My journal got neglected. I like writing, when I can, but I've got a lot of things going on right now that are hobby-oriented that are like kids. They have to be nurtured and tended to for a high period of time. I can't leave them alone just yet. Haven't built up the foundations to make doing those things easier. Soon, though. I like to be efficient, and those things will soon get that way, allowing me more time for this. My journal keeps me sane, at times. My mind gets like a tornado, spewing shit every which way and it makes it difficult to remember things. This is a good release for that.

Something I've been thinking about that pisses me off. This might be difficult to explain, but here we go. In this world, there are people that are truly gracious. They complement others and say thanks because they mean it. Not because it's automatic, or because it's expected. Then there are people who ass-kiss to try and gain something, be it something material, or to gain favor. The problem lies in the inability to determine what is what sometimes. The reason I bring this up is because I've complemented/thanked people before for things, but received backlash because the perception was that I was kissing ass, when I was actually just being honest and being myself. That is truly disturbing. That an act of graciousness could be seen as someone underhandedly trying to gain something. There are reasons why people think that way. Some people are just negative. Some people ass-kiss and all that, so they think that could be the only thing that you would be doing. They don't see the reality of actually being nice. Where I'm going here is that some people steer away from complementing and being gracious for fear of being called out as an ass-kisser. Sure, perception isn't something you should always concern yourself with, but, at a job, it could actually end up biting you in the ass. At this point, I've had enough jobs to realize that. So, it makes it tough, it really does. The point of this is that just because you do something doesn't mean others are like you and do the same thing in these situations. Have an open mind and don't speculate. That pisses me off.

The mind is strong. The mind grows stronger with the more you learn and the more you mature. These are good things. But, when this happens, the mind can also become tunneled. It follows a path it likes, or it views as right and doesn't stray, not even to take a break or change tracks. This can be good, and it can be bad. I've experienced both situations, be it with myself or others. Obviously, a good word for this would be stubborn, although I'm not sure if that fits it entirely. I have this quality, and so do many others. When trying to negotiate, it's like standing in the way of a train on the tracks. You're just going to get run over. My wish is that sometimes the train slows down and allows itself the opportunity to switch tracks, or at least, listen. That's all. The mind may be strong, but it's not always balanced. Identifying and listening to other paths helps bring balance. The current path isn't always the only one, nor the best one.

Sorry for sounding like a preacher there, but that was the easiest way to explain it.

Thanks for reading.

-Normal-

2001-09-29T06:43:52Z

Welcome.

Over the course of the last few weeks, I've been hearing "It's going to take a long time to get back to -normal-." "-Normal- will never be the same again."

You know what? I'm fucking happy that it won't be. Our previous -normal- was a blind, naive, ignorant, and arrogant perspective of life in our country. -Normal- was about not knowing what's happening right underneath our noses (Terrorist activity). -Normal- was about not knowing what's going on in the Middle East and being somewhat knowledged in it, actively (Citizens). -Normal- was thinking that we're invincible and that we didn't have to worry. Again, I'm glad our -normal- has been ripped away from us.

Over the past decade, our military has been downsized. Our intelligence staffing has been downsized. All for the sake of the economny. Sounds good, right? Until 7,000+ people die in our front yards. Sure, I'm summarizing a bit as to why these things happened. But, there's more. The anger that is shown from countries such as Afghanistan is because our country refuses to lend them a penny. Oh, we sure did help them as much as we wanted when they were fighting off the Russians, but once that was done, we turned away from poor families, poverty, starving children. Instead, as we've done before, we stood with Israel and helped out the Jews.

Now, some aren't sure why this is, and that's fine. Let me see if I can help a bit. Inside our own government, there are plenty of Jews in power, and they can lean on our government for funding and what direction we should take with what we use our money for. That's one aspect. Another is that it's a lot easier to fund 10 million people, rather than 1.5 billion. You see, the Jews comprise that amount in the Middle East, whereas the Muslims comprise the 1.5 billion, much larger. Simply put, I also feel that if, at some point, we had just given a little bit of money to Afghanistan, which is a dominantly Muslim country who has, in the past, had relations with Pakistan, the problems between Israel and Pakistan would be less prevalent.

But I'm just one guy sharing my perspective here.

We gave billions and billions to Afghanistan in military technology and aide to fight off the Russians because we had "interests" in that situation. Our economy went up after the war was over. How about that? The billions suddenly came back home. Yay. We have "interests" in Israel, therefore we give them money so they'll be, simply stated, our "friends" and "share" with us and things of that nature. Yay. So, here we are, smack dab in the Middle East, sticking our noses in the middle of it all, and with a group that is almost severely hated over there. Yay again. We're doing good here. And, again, I'm making it sound simple, because it is quite complex, but sometimes to realize what's happening you have to look at it from a straight-on viewpoint.

So, what happens when you don't give money to a poverty-stricken country who's had everything demolished by a war? An anger slowly builds up over time against you. Especially when you're helping what they perceive as the "enemy" to them. That anger grows and grows, and eventually the people that are organized against us get more organized and get more followers through the anger and, as always, brainwashing, and 9/11 happens. It's a terrible terrible thing, but it's not something that couldn't have been prevented. But, that's not what this is about. I don't want to lay blame, although it may sound like I am. Just want to point out what I've seen and how I'm glad it's changed.

There are so many information leaks of ways in which the government security agencies knew that something was going to happen, yet they didn't act on it. This is where that arrogance comes in. "What would happen to us? We're America!" Yeah, ok, I'm glad that thought has changed now. Unfortunately, it took the loss of so many people for the people in charge to pull their heads out of their asses.

So, let's move forward here. -Normal- is a different state of mind now. For me, I feel more secure than I ever have. These terrorists have been in our country for years and this thing could have happened at any time. From the day it happened and on, for a good while I would hope, we're going to be more aware of what's happening. To me, that brings security. The naivety I talked about was not considering that something was happening here in the US. All this stuff was being planned and we just went about our business, not even thinking about it.

Although, I did.

I have a brain fart every once in a while about what might happen if we went to a huge war or if something happened here in the US, like a nuclear weapon discharge. Happens more frequently now that I live on my own. No one to help you remove yourself from your brain. And, when this happened, I was surprised, but, yet, I wasn't.

So, a bit of the blinders have been pulled off. No more ignoring foreign affairs as much. Less arrogance. These are good things. This makes our country stronger. We have a stronger civil unity and patriotism then I've ever seen since I've been alive. I'm very very happy for that. Us Americans now have the right, again, to call others here in the US "Fellow Americans". Before 9/11, I wouldn't feel right saying that, because of the emptiness of our country back then.

Now, we're at what -normal- should have been all along. Just my thoughts.

Thanks for reading.

10 Aspects Of Me...

2001-08-15T08:28:09Z

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<i'll>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Welcome. In no parcticular order, I thought I'd provide some possible facets that make up myself. Perception may provide that people don't see these in me, but these are things that I -know- make up myself, regardless of what others may think.

1) In 99% of my life, I have not done this :

Main Entry: spite
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): spit?ed; spit?ing
Date: circa 1555
1 a : ANNOY, OFFEND b : to fill with spite
2 : to treat maliciously (as by shaming or thwarting)

2) To my friends, I try my best to be :

Main Entry: loyal
Pronunciation: 'loi(-&)l
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle French, from Old French leial, leel, from Latin legalis legal
Date: 1531
1 : unswerving in allegiance: as a : faithful in allegiance to one's lawful sovereign or government b : faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due c : faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product
2 : showing loyalty

3) We all know that I'm :

Main Entry: temperamental
Pronunciation: "tem-p(&-)r&-'men-t&l, "tem-p&r-'
Function: adjective
Date: 1646
2 a : marked by excessive sensitivity and impulsive changes of mood <a temperamental child> b : unpredictable in behavior or performance

4) Selectively, I'm :

Main Entry: meticulous
Pronunciation: m&-'ti-ky&-l&s
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin meticulosus fearful, irregular from metus fear
Date: 1827
: marked by extreme or excessive care in the consideration or treatment of details

5) At times, it can take a lot to get me :

Main Entry: motivate(d)
Pronunciation: 'mO-t&-"vAt
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): -vat?ed; -vat?ing
Date: 1885
: to provide with a motive : IMPEL <questions that excite and motivate youth>

6) I like to be a :

Main Entry: leader
Pronunciation: 'lE-d&r
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
2 : a person who leads : as a : GUIDE, CONDUCTOR b (1) : a person who directs a military force or unit (2) : a person who has commanding authority or influence c (1) : the principal officer of a British political party (2) : a party member chosen to manage party activities in a legislative body (3) : such a party member presiding over the whole legislative body when the party constitutes a majority d (1) : CONDUCTOR c (2) : a first or principal performer of a group

7) I love to :

Main Entry: teach
Pronunciation: 'tEch
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): taught /'tot/; teach?ing
Etymology: Middle English techen to show, instruct, from Old English t[AE]can; akin to Old English tAcn sign -- more at TOKEN
Date: before 12th century
transitive senses
1 a : to cause to know something <taught them a trade> b : to cause to know how <is teaching me to drive> c : to accustom to some action or attitude <teach students to think for themselves> d : to cause to know the disagreeable consequences of some action <I'll teach you to come home late>
2 : to guide the studies of
3 : to impart the knowledge of <teach algebra>
4 a : to instruct by precept, example, or experience b : to make known and accepted <experience teaches us our limitations>
5 : to conduct instruction regularly in <teach school>
intransitive senses : to provide instruction : act as a teacher

8) I try to do this as often as possible :

Main Entry: help
Pronunciation: 'help; Southern often 'hep also 'he&p
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English helpan; akin to Old High German helfan to help, and perhaps to Lithuanian selpti
Date: before 12th century
1 : give assistance or support -- often used with out
2 : to be of use or benefit

9) When dealing with myself and others, I always try to be :

Main Entry: honest
Pronunciation: '?-n&st
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French honeste, from Latin honestus honorable, from honos, honor honor
Date: 14th century
1 a : free from fraud or deception : LEGITIMATE, TRUTHFUL <an honest plea> b : GENUINE, REAL <making honest stops at stop signs -- Christian Science Monitor> c : HUMBLE, PLAIN <good honest food>
2 a : REPUTABLE, RESPECTABLE <honest decent people> b chiefly British : GOOD, WORTHY
3 : CREDITABLE, PRAISEWORTHY <an honest day's work>
4 a : marked by integrity b : marked by free, forthright, and sincere expression : FRANK <an honest appraisal> c : INNOCENT, SIMPLE

10) I will never try to be :

Main Entry: fake
Function: noun
Date: 1827
: one that is not what it purports to be: as a : a worthless imitation passed off as genuine b : IMPOSTOR, CHARLATAN c : a simulated movement in a sports contest (as a pretended kick, pass, or jump or a quick movement in one direction before going in another) designed to deceive an opponent d : a device or apparatus used by a magician to achieve the illusion of magic in a trick

Ok, done. Thought that might be an interesting way of showing how I feel about what I try to do in my life. Of course, there are other things that make up who I am, but these I thought I could provide the easiest.

Thanks for reading.

My first entry, everyone rejoice!

2001-08-01T10:02:55Z

Welcome. I now have a Live Journal after some heavy prodding from my friend Jay. Maybe this will do me some good, who knows... anywho, I shall write.

First, if you've come this far, thanks. I appreciate it.

Second, well, don't know, it's pretty late for me and I'm kinda tired here. Not quite sure if I want to get into any details about me just yet, maybe I'll do random entries at random intervals about random things in my random life.

Today was a pretty good day. Got some things accomplished and had a good time with friends. Not much more you can ask for with the way life can be. My day started off at 6:30am this morning. Only 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I did a real good job of getting to sleep early. Anywho, the reason for getting up so early? A job? Oh, no, not this unemployed guy. Actually, I was meeting my Mother at the DFW Airport around 8:27am for a bit because she was having a layover on her flight from New Orleans to Reno. Surprisingly, I got up on the first alarm and got ready and kinda stumbled around and got out the door at 7am. Got out on the road and I realized how much I miss the traffic around here. Even at 7am, it's nightmarish. All that's fine, though, I haven't seen my Mother but once (Saw her thanks to my friend James last Wednesday on her layover to New Orleans from Reno) since last summer, so this is definitely worth it. After what seems like endless driving through mechanical droves of humanity, I reach the airport around 7:47 or so. Quite a bit earlier than I expected. So I listen to some sports radio, they're talking about golf. Sheesh, time to go. I head into the airport, and airports kick ass. They really do. When you walk through the first sliding doors, you get hit with some kind of air burst like you're getting onto a space shuttle or something. Then you get inside and it's 10 degrees. "Welcome to the Meat Locker" it should say. Head through the metal detector thingies, which kick ass, too, and I'm hoping that the BB lodged in my neck doesn't set it off. Head through, no beeps, very good. Find my Mother's Gate and go hang out. Read a book from the beginning that my friend Jon has been urging me to read (Apparently it's a very good series - The Wheel Of Time). At different points of reading, I stop to observe people. It's pretty fun, something I do when I can. Just browse your eyes around and take in all the people around you. What are they thinking? You have your own isolated thoughts about what's up and coming (Seeing my Mother) and maybe you wonder what everyone else is thinking about. Not for perverse reasons, obviously, but just the dynamic that is life can be fantastic to me. All these people gathered in one place with such varying reasons as to why they're there. Taken plainly, this is logically obvious, but to look at it figuratively, it can be astounding. Anywho, moving forward here, the female voice over the PA lets us know that the plane has landed and will be taxied soon to the Gate. Greatness. People start unloading from the plane and I wait. No Mom yet. After quite a bit of people, the unloading stops. No Mom. Hmm. Ok, another wave. It ends. No Mom. Hrmm. Another wave comes. Stops. No Mom. Hrmmm! Almost worried... I mean, how many more people can there be? Another wave, and there's my Mom, you damn right! :) I greet my Mother and all that good stuff and we head to her new Gate. We hang out and discuss various things going on in my life and the such (I should say this much, I live in Texas, my Mother lives in Oregon). Well, it gets time to go, and she heads onto the plane and I head back to my car. It was good to see my Mother. Especially twice in a week. I miss my family, ever since they moved to Oregon in 1997, but that's how it goes. :/ I've had my chances to visit and/or move up there but things just haven't worked out. I head home, get here and go to sleep.

After I wake up, my friend James stops by, we do some running around and pick up some food. We hang out, watch some Rurouni Kenshin (Kick-ass samurai anime), play some Gran Tourismo 3 on Vader(James' PS2). Joe stops on by, then later Shaun comes over. We basically just hang out and do some racing trying to unlock hidden goodness. Later on, after Shaun and James are gone, Jay stops by, we watch some tv and just generally hang out. Gets kinda late, Jay takes off and takes Joe home and later here I am. :) I had a good time today. Fun stuff, hanging with friends, relaxing. I like having a house where my friends feel comfortable coming over. I'm happy for that. I'm more than willing to visit my friends wherever, but it's kind of an important thing to me to be hospitable for my friends. I try to make myself as available as possible, either to hang out, or for people to come hang out over here. Sometimes, though, the situation arises that I'm just a lazy dump and I don't wanna do much and I'll be very unavailable unless special situations arise. Everyone's like that, though, so hey. :)

Well, it's getting late now and I've written a lot. Almost like a log book, hehe. Once I get used to this, maybe I'll be able to write more interesting stuff. :)

Thanks for reading.